Your thoughts are everything. Be in control of your daily thought patterns, behaviors and discipline yourself. What you tell yourself and the daily messages you allow yourself to take in create the person you are, end up becoming or will never be. Think of your thoughts as opportunity creators. The more positive thoughts we allow ourselves to have, the more opportunities we will be open to, realize and take advantage of. You have the power to get yourself started and motivated whenever you make the decision to do so but many people find comfort in their patterns, even if they are not amounting to the results they’d like. In order to do something different you have to first start with changing your behavior and that begins with changing or retraining the way you think.
When you learn that most of your negative thoughts or expressions to negative circumstances and/or events are merely your own opinions and nothing more, then you are able to free yourself of your self-given burden(s). When we are faced with negativity, it is your ego telling you things like the following:
· “I don’t deserve this!”
· “This shouldn’t be happening to me!”
· “This is not how I planned it.”
· “Who are they to judge me?”
After dropping your opinion and emotional attachment, those statements turn into variations of the following statements and possible considerations:
“I don’t deserve this!” --> “These things happen.”
(How do you know “these things happen”? History and experience tells you. Don’t take things personal that aren’t personal to you. When “things” happen, learn to be realistic about the event. Respond and don’t sulk.)
We have to learn to be strong minded. Possessing the ability enables us to make better decisions, increases positive outcomes and feel, think and speak better about ourselves, others and our circumstances. When considering anything, especially matters of importance, we must also learn to observe and consider all angles, options and positions and reflect on all of the possible outcomes and consequences before acting or speaking. In other words, breathe and give time time in order to be sure that you allow yourself necessary processing time.
“This shouldn’t be happening to me.” --> “This happened to me.”
(Why “shouldn’t this happen to you”? Why did it happen and what was your role? Could you have done something different to prevent it? What can or should you do about it?)
It is far too easy to blame or project negatively towards others in light of our struggles, shortcomings and problems. Holding the person in the mirror accountable and taking an inward look at the source of these concerns helps limit our scope of blame. In fact, when we learn to scale things back, not giving way to reason and ego; we will likely find that in some way we are the cause of our own grief. At the point of realization, we must learn to accept, forgive, move on and adjust.
“This is not how I planned it.” --> “This is what it is.”
(Does everything always go as you plan? Did you even really have a plan or are you just emotional? Aren’t you a part of a larger plan or picture that contains more than just you? Now that it has happened, was there a fault in your plan? Is this new direction better or worse for you? Why and how will you know without going with it? After all, what other choice is there?)
Worrying, stressing and any of the like is like allowing yourself to feel something that you don’t want to happen, before it happens, if it even happens. The sad thing is, you know that “cocooning” is a terrible option and yet you do it anyway. Even worse, some of you allow the habit to create greater problems for yourselves like depression and, health issues and mangled relationships. Why is it that when you are about to “crash”, you step on the gas pedal and go faster? If you can relate, then ask yourself, why? Then consider if it would make more sense for you to reverse the habit, using that same amount of energy, time and concentration.
“Who are they to judge me?” --> “They judged me.”
(So, you were judged, does it make you any less of the person you were beforehand? Does anyone else’s opinion of you really matter more than your own? If so, why? Could the person be correct in their judgement? Don’t you ultimately hold the power to choose whether you take or act on the judgement negatively or positively?)
When you find yourself in judgement, judging others or in the habit of thinking and sharing too many negative remarks about something or someone else, it’s time to check the evaluator. Also, what you say in private about another person is not excusable if you wouldn’t openly utter it in public. The messages you tell yourself about yourself and others are powerful and have lasting effects. They also dictate and affect the ways in which we view, speak and interact with others whether we are aware of it or not. Our minds don't have the innate ability to close out those judgments and biases without practice in avoidance of the behaviors themselves.